Family Matters

We just got out of school and in the parking lot was a Martian. He had a big green head. The martian said that he was waiting on his spaceship, which was on its way from pluto. He asked me if I had change for a dollar and I did. I wanted to know why he needed change and he said that it was his lunch. I didn't quite understand, change for lunch? I hope he's not planning on eating here on earth 'cause our lunch is well over change amounts. Anyways, he seemed really desperate and I felt sorry for him. I decided to take him out to a nice restaurant and get some grub. He was delighted, but he insisted that we rode in his space ship. I'll tell yah that was an amazing ride. The thing was huge, about as big as my house and all purple. It was actually pretty scary since there was a toilet in the back but no way of flushing it. I asked him why and he told he because they only put them there so that they could look like humans. I thought that was weird but oh well. Then he told me that he wanted me to meet his family and I thought that would be okay untill ,he told me that he had 20000000 martains in his family and that it would take us a year to go for place to place because they live all over the galaxy I said I would have to think about it. Then before I knew it we were on are way and I didn't know what to do. What could I say take me home I'm scared no so i drove with him. Then when we were driving he had to go to the bathroom so I drove and he went to the toilet. Since it couldn't flush after he was done I saw him eating it with a spoon. Then he came back and kissed me and I threw up. So when I was throwing up he began to also and the wait of the vomit weighted the ship down. So we crashed on a monkey planet and were surrounded by butt-picking monkeys. They began grabbing us and getting garbage all over our new clothes. So I took out a baseball bat and started to bash their little butt-picking heads in. Man I hate those little but-picking monkeys. After we destroyed those little monkeys, I asked the alien if he had a place that I could wash up. The alien said "what for?" I explained to him that on earth most of us like to be clean. The aline shrugged. He soon led me to a room on the ship. This room was green. He then gave me a new pair of clothing, I changed into thoes. I asked him what I was going to do with these. The alien took them, he began to eat the clothing. I looked at him funny. He looked up from his meal "these are the tastiest monkeys I've ever eaten."

Name Dropping

We just got out of school and in the parking lot was a martian. He then came up to me and offered me some crack. I denied, but then he got physical. He’s all, "Take it now!". And I’m all, "naw, man," . Then he pulled off his mask and it ended up being Elton John. He then proceeded to chase me with the drugs. While I ran around in fear I didn’t notice that I was on herion and I was actually siting next to Tom Arnold. He then started to tell some jokes and well I bolted down the street in fear. I ra all the way to the nearest seven eleven and spotted my friend billy inside. I walked in to notice that he was busy robbing the place, so I waited outside for him. Once he was done I quickly walked in to get some Hog n dawgs ice crème, but to my surprise I saw Jerry Sinfield. He had the crazy face expression that meant he was a bout to bust into a his rants. So before he could talk about 2% milk, I ran. I then met up with a group of mean people. They were talking about killing. Naturally, the nosey person I am, I listened. They talking about some poor guy in oregon who went crazy when they showed up. But, they weren’t thinking about killing him, they just wanted cheese. That freaked me out so I walked off. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was lost. I had no group to follow with. That was until I noticed this club and headed in. There was heavy rock metal playing from the stage, my favorite. And I saw this group of guys that seemed my type, so I went up to them and asked if I could hang with them. They said sure. They didn’t look like the typical gangsters in a bar. They were dressed in baggy jeans and quarter sleeved shirts. No chains, tattoos, or piercings. Just a few guys chillin with beers. I thought it would be no big deal until I realized that these men I were talking to were all really women dressed up like men. I couldn’t believe it. It didn’t want them to know that I knew they were women so I just played along. Wondering why they were so attached to me……now I knew. I didn’t understand why a bunch of women would dress up like guys and come to a bar to hit on men. So, being my curious self, I just kept on playing along. One of the ‘men’ came up to me and said "I know you know." I looked at her vivacious lips and I thought who does she think shes fooling. I realized that this was a horrible place and left in a hurry. Outside there was a huge stretch limo, with all the windows rolled up and the…

Boy George

We just got out of school and in the parking lot there was a Martian. It said "we are from the planet Xolpor." The Xolporians were small orange creatures that floated three feet above the ground. How can they be from that planet you made up if they’re martians. Martians mean they are from mars. They stole my lunch and I got pissed at them. I told that little green bastard to go back to him own planet before I rip his right eyebrow off and beat him with it. He didn’t take that very well so he ripped my left eyebrow off and beat me with it. Then I ripped off a part of his body that he would really miss. Haha. I threatened to fight him and the little man decided I was a little intimadating. So he gave me my money, but then his BIG brother came along, I was scared shitless. I didn’t know what to do. This big freak picked me up and took me to his space shuttle. They knocked me out so I don’t know what went on in there, but when I woke up I was in a box filled with those little stirafoam peanuts. I think I was being shipped somewhere. I tried to open the box, but that was very unlikely it was a box made of steel..the air was wearing thin ,and it was getting very hard for me to breath..therefore, I started beating,on the box ,and screaming as oud as I could..no one ever answered so, I kept on ,and on ,and on…finally,I started to hear voices so I started hitting the box as hard as could,and finally this ugly slimmy one eyed thing opened the box to discover me. It was a man who everyone was calling Gilfree Hosgufferbumb. This man then lifted me from the box and attempted to carry me to Mexico. When we arrived at the border, we were sent right through with no probem, so that’s when I discovered this man they called Hosgufferbumb was a man with power. Once stepping over the border music began to play and I reaized I had stepped into the 1980’s and everyone was wearing tight-rolled jeans and flybacks. The first person I met was Boy George. He took me to his house and gave me clothes to wear so I’d fit in. He started calling me Comma Comma Comma Carma Comillion and made me wear jellies. It was so weird. The clothes I was wearing were totally 80s. After meeting Boy George, I then met the band.

In Love

We just got out of school and in the parking lot was a martian. All of a sudden it dissappeared and I thought I was seeing things. Then came an evil gooey monster looking thing. It looked weird. I was in shock to see so many aliens. Some of us screamed and some ran away. Others just couldn’t move. All of a sudden, a huge swarm of aliens came out of their hiding places. They started to walk towards us, so we all scattered and ran. The aliens ran just as fast and didn’t let up. Some kids ran back into the school, some tried to run towards the intersection and others tried to make a run for the woods, hopping over the fence.

It seemed as if the aliens were getting faster and faster. No one got caught……well at least not yet! It seemed that everyone was in a good enough hiding spot. No one found. I was hiding in the school still with my best friend Terry. We have know each other since first grade and use to dream up stories such as the one happening as their heart beat rapidly, We were hidden safely behind one of the teachers desk when all of a sudden we hear a door creak open very slowly. Hearts about to come out of our just, we stopped breathing. Pain all through us. Didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to breath. Wonderment and curiosity flowed through out minds. I held on to Terry in a way I never thought I would hold on to anyone.and then he kissed me, out of nowhere. I was glad for all I knew it could be my last breath if that was one of the aliens at the door. Low and behold it’s just a teacher who had no idea that there were any aliens invading our school. With my heart still slamming in my chest I asked terry why he did that , and he responded by peeling back his face to reveal that he too was an alien.

The next few moments were very awkward. I had no idea how to respond to something like this. The whole time I thought he was just an ordinary 10th grade guy like myself. Then, out of nowhere I began laughing. As crazy as this situation was, I began to like it. I’ve seen many pictures of aliens and such but he was the cutest one yet. Long narrow face with a cute little nose and the perfect smile. He actually made me want to be an alien too. I knew I had to say something because he looked as if he were about to cry. I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him towards me. I thought that we would kiss but no he didn’t know what to do. I laughed so hard. I thought that I would teach him but no I think that would be so stupid. So I tried to think of something fun to do. Then he kissed me what the *!$% he didn’t kiss me the first time why? I didn’t want any candy because I was very crazy like michael bolton and I began dancing. Then gary coleman came out of no where and began eating every one and said whatcha tastin like buddy. Then he said whatcha talkin bout friend. Then he jumped on my head and said whatcha steppin like buddy. Then I ran and he said whatcha runnin like buddy and I looked down and saw him down by my knees. I jumped to a ditch and he kept runnin and left me alone.

...and now for something competly different.

"Welcome to the land of Beef." The man in the big dog suit sputtered to me. I love big party’s and I cant stand party poopers.baking soda is my solution to all of those nasty smells that come out of my refrigerator. My favorite toy is the corkscrew I can do all kinds of stuff with It I can open a bottle with it or I can make a rubber band shooter.

My beef land is the party capital of the world and the people that come here have lots of fun and when somebody comes here and try’s to mess it up we get really mad. We spinkle baking soda on them.

In the capital of the land of Beef all you do is drag race. I leave the Baking- soda in the refrigerator to take out the roughting food smell of old roast beef. The I bring out the Corkscrew to pop of the top of the roughting wine bottle and take a couple of sips.

Beef land is a place of beef and everyone stinks to high heaven. the only way to cover the smell is to put baking soda every where come on have you ever thought of using an air freshener only a Homo like a guy named Troy Ross can be like this so no one take this personally. I like beef, beef is good,need some beef,at lunch I am going to eat some beef,all icane think about is beef.

The Beef god Came forth and said" I want to eat you doughtier for dinner, there how does it feel, and Kyle is a cock cheese that doesn’t own a car and cant ever get a job, much less a good looking girl.